Note to self

Toby, you are an idiot.
this blog entry will remain here until you do something to change it.



I think that proves my point. Now get off your lazy ass and do something about it
IDIOT

You've gone too far

It always happens so I'll keep it brief(ish), a group of people think of an idea in music, then 1 guy has huge success and a load of stupid incompetent monkeys try and mimic it with no success because they are as their name would suggest, both "stupid" & "incompetent".

Good idea:
French house, specifically the Parisian bunch
e.g. Daft Punk
Dj Falcon
Le Knight Club
Alex Gopher
Etienne De Crecy
and anything vaguely related to Roule or Crydamoure records

Success story:
Eric Prydz/Big Bad Baz - Call on Me (neither of whom are French incidentally

The problem:
Groove Cutters - Close Our Eyes (remake of the Go West tune!)
Uniting Nations - Out of Touch (ok my fault cos I got them signed, sorry)
Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart (Max Graham Remix), (Words cannot express....)

there will be more
and more
and more and more and more....

There are of course other good tunes other than call on me, but you're all missing the point as that was done AS A PISS TAKE!!
the secret of a good sample, is that its from a track that is good but UNKNOWN, which is why the real French stuff still works

But to everyone else, please stop now as its all going to end in tears.

A lawyer you say..

So there i am on my day off, shopping for the mafia and scheduling an entire radio stations music as you do, when i sit down for the evening to watch some telly when up pops a Goddess.
Who is this goddess i hear you ask.
I'm glad you asked. It is Marisa Tomei, and I am watching the highly underated "My Cousin Vinny" (which also features Ralph Macchio, the only famous person who looks vaguely like me.)
So anyway i Google/IMDB her and she seems perfect, shes Italian NY her dad was a lawyer etc, only one problem.
Shes now 39 (40 in december). At which point i hand over to my esteemed collegue and mathematical supremo Mr Derek Knight ladies and gentlemen.


well go on click his link...damn you people are slow.

Dinner dinner dinner dinner

Ok its not often that i laugh when reading the BBC news website but how often do you see this line in a serious article about security breaches and possible terrorist activity:

"Batman" climbs up a ladder on to the roof of an adjoining building. "Robin" comes down after police threaten to shoot him.

I think there ladies and gentlemen we can see everything that is wrong with the world at this moment, when the police threaten to shoot "Robin" we have to start thinking.

on a more serious note, i strongly support the men involved in this protest, if you wanna know more go here.

Take my mother in law for instance, no really. Please!

So I've been on holiday for a while, which was beautifully eye opening as always and made me realise, how meaningless all this showbiz shnizzle is.
This is definitely a good thing; keeps my feet near the ground, and therefore baring some quite unprecedented athleticism, away from my mouth.

Anywho, i am back into the routine now which is a bit shit, but i have a 2 day weekend again for the first time in 7 months; and this allows me to watch crap TV, although i just watched something quite excellent on Jewish comedy which if you know anything about me (or have just seen me in profile) you will know is important to me.

So i thought i would share a Jewish joke with you. hopefully you are not to much of a gentile schmuck not to get it

Ok so a proud Jewish mother goes to the beach with her darling son "mushti"
He is desperate to play in the sand so she says:
"Mushti darling you can play in the sand as long as you careful and stay away from the water"
So he plays carefully for a while away from the water until all of a sudden a huge wave sweeps him over and carries him out to sea
The mother sees this and starts screaming and crying and eventually gets down on her knees and prays to the lord:
"Lord please bring my darling Mushti back. I will be in your service for ever if you do, he is such a darling boy and i dont know what id do without him. Please bring him back to me."
Then out of nowhere another huge wave deposits him back onto the beach!
The mother looks at him astounded and says:
"God, i'll think you'll find before you took him first he had a hat on...?"

Dance Music is Dead

Right that's it, if one more of you fools tells me that such-and-such a scene is dead, be it house, D&B or whatever I swear to god I'll slap you good!
Musical genres don't die, what happens is they go back underground, to their fan base. I hardly think that because there hasn't been a track of that genre inside the top 20 in the last 3 months that qualifies as dead.

Music exists to its fans in one form or another, and for dance music in particular its still in the clubs. Yes their is an atmosphere problem in some venues but I dare say that's more of a drugs problem, (the wrong drugs that is).

I'm sitting here listening to the Royksopp Remix of The Streets - Weak Become heroes, this tune is now nearly 3 years old, but its still awesome, so even if Pete Tong, Judge Jules and Seb Fontaine all went back to their homeworld 2morrow, this music would still be here, and there would be some sucker playing it, even if that sucker is me.

Smart-Arse

>i dare say radio listening as a whole and commercial radio in particular will >continue to drop.

It did by the way, not that it is of any comfort to be right, (well maybe a little).

Counting for the enumerate

On Thursday in the UK, a company will deliver its findings on the radio listening habits of the general public as it does every 3 months.

The problem however is the speed and accuracy of this system, firstly it takes 3 months to complete and by the time its done the data is at least a month old. This is frankly only slightly annoying however when compared to the statistical error involved. which is staggering, to the point where I have heard it said that a 4 multiplier can be used in either direction. This is to say that if you have a measured audience of 1,000,000 the error means this figure is anything between 250,000 and 4,000,000!

There is a man who claims his system is more accurate and strangely his stations perform better under his system, but nobody else seems to believe him.

So big deal you say, a bunch of statisticians perform a pointless exercise every 3 months, and if you work for the BBC that is one way of looking at it, as you have no shareholders to satisfy.

However the rest of the country i.e. Commercial Radio depends upon this figure to sell advertising and therefore survive, so it is little wonder my boss's stress levels rise during this time and I find messages in my inbox politely saying work harder for the same money, with compelling stories about Lance Armstrong embedded in them.

It is to my mind a long time since any company made truely great radio on a regular basis, and that is the key, until such point as someone important does something about this, i dare say radio listening as a whole and commercial radio in particular will continue to drop.

This is if you believe the numbers

Holiday - celebrate

I am off on holiday in 2 weeks, to Siena (Tuscany, Italy) a place where the lives of every inhabitant within the city walls is defined by a drug fuelled horse race going back to the 16th Century. Now to an outsider this must seem a very strange thing, surely other things are more important, like family, or work?
To me this is not at all weird and not just because I know Siena better than any other city on earth.

It strikes me that everything we do is very well mapped out for us either by society, ourselves or those close to us, and we go to pain-staking lengths to control our surroundings and yet things still regularly go wrong or at least unexpectedly.

Surely you are just as well off running you life by chance, or as good as, then at least you become adept at dealing with the unexpected, plus you are never really disappointed, and receive the same joy from success. I cant see anyway better than putting your honor on the line at the whim of an overpaid jockey (and believe me they ARE overpaid, even when the risk to their lives is accounted for) and a terrified horse who is frankly higher than a helicopter!

If you don't believe me I strongly suggest you try and visit Siena during one of the 2 Palios per year (2nd July, 16th August). And unless you are a hermit, or have frankly no sense of fun or adventure, I'm sure you'll agree.

Oh btw please don't visit when I'm there cos I fucking hate tourists!

Going in circles

Do you remember that stage in school you used to get to, usually mid-year, where you sat down one day and had genuinely no idea of the day or date? So mundane and repetitive had your life become that the current incarnation of the Gregorian calendar was in fact too specific with its 7 named days, 12 months and 52 weeks/year! Instead you could have done with just 2 types of days, work-day and not-work-day.

I had that happen to me at work this week for the first time ever, which is odd because I love my job, or at least that's what I keep saying,  maybe I just love the fact that I'm not doing any other job, as a wise man once said "everything else is just a drag".

Can I have found a place of work that is actually so unbothered about making something truly exciting that it actually removes the excitement from your body as you pass through the revolving doors at the front entrance, I hope not, for several reasons but mainly because then I'll have to just fast-track myself through management and do the job properly, and frankly that "is just a drag".